One of those days, turned into one of those nights...

Earlier, I broke up a "finger biting fight". I scolded children and demanded better behavior. That's not what I got. Instead, I got a child with gum in her hair (peanut butter is awesome for that), an early round of bath/shower time (due to said gum and peanut butter), put children in their pj's, broken up a nerf gun assault, confiscated said nerf gun and consoled a sobbing 8 year old. At least, he was sorry. It then lead into a fit of sobs over his Aunt's upcoming trip. He doesn't do well with goodbye's (even small ones). I'm exhausted.

For now, I have two children playing nicely. The older is reading to the younger. Somehow, she conned him into reading a cinderella book and playing prince & princess. He's a good kid. I really hope she knows that she really has the best brother. I just need to keep telling myself crazy days like this will pass, and I will miss them once the noise is gone.

Outings are exhausting

My sister and I took the kids out today. There's something completely exhausting about doing that with a child with ADHD and one that's too little to diagnose but has all the signs. It'll be a long time before I do that again. Not because they were bad but, because I'm stinking tired. Like could conk out and sleep past 4:15 and completely miss picking the hubs up from work, tired. That's a bad tired. But, we built memories today and I will put up with a case of the sleepies for that.

I'm taking a time out and they're playing in a fort I built. Nothing fancy, just blankets over the end of the bed and draped over furniture. It made them happy and, it was something I could build easily. I hear belly giggles and jokes. The little one doesn't get them but, she'll giggle along with her brother just the same. I hope these are memories they'll file away in their heads and hearts. That would make me happy. I have memories like that about my own big sisters and I.

The little one just told the big one not to eat her fingers. That can't be promising. *Sigh* aren't we too old for finger eating?

sparkles, wings and pretty girl things

My toddler is my inspiration today. She sees herself as beautiful no matter what she's wearing or doing. She can wear mismatched socks, her hair could be in knots and wild but, she can walk into a room and announce "Momma, Wickie's so  pretty". She's right. She IS pretty. She has this gorgeous complexion, beautiful big brown eyes and gorgeous hair. She has this perfect little nose and sweet little ears. Delicate long fingers and legs that go on for miles.  The kid knows she's gorgeous. I'm glad. Too many times, we let the little things we don't like about ourselves dicatate that "we're not pretty, we're too fat..." That inner voice needs to shut up. We need our inner toddler to dress up in little fairy wings and sparkly tutu's and announce to the world that "I'm so pretty". And, we need to believe it. Just like we did when we were little. We knew. We believed someone when they told us we were beautiful. We never doubted it.

Just remember, you ARE beautiful. Not because you fit into a size 00 but, because you just are. You are a woman, that in itself is beautiful. We're fearfully and wonderfully made. 

A little pang...

Tonight, my brain is overly active. This is leading to several posts. I think I am done for the night but, I read a blog from a friend and *BOOM* I have something else to "talk" about. Thank you for dealing with my obvious ADD. Today, it's worse than normal.

So, there's another mom I admire. She raises 4 children organically and awesomely. She is pregnant with her 5th. Part of me is jealous. I wish I could have another baby sometimes. But, my body hates being pregnant. It turns into this wicked, retching ball of morning sickness. And, I complain. A lot. I wish I didn't. I wish I had those pregnancies where you glow. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely thankful and blessed. I have given life to 2 little bodies. No one loves them more than I do. To the moon, and as much as the stars. Forever. You can't love anybody more than that. And, loved they are. Fiercely.  They have an Oma, Poppa, Aunt Owlie, Aunt Mahni, Uncle Ez, Pup, Aunt Becca, Uncle Steve-o, Nexus, Jay & Aiden. They have a Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Grandpa and so many other people. They have a Sissa & Tyle. They are loved. Beyond measure. And I am blessed. I am blessed to have counted and kissed 20 tiny toes. To have smelled clean baby (powder fresh and sweet smells of lavender). To have fallen asleep with a tiny body clinging tightly to me. To have wet baby slobber on my nose. To have sweet toddler arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I am loved, I love. My life is full. But, I am jealous. Sometimes, I wish for just one more. But, that isn't so. *Sigh* My heart is full anyway. For that, I am truly thankful.

I promise

I think part of the problem with children now, is that we are terrified of being parents. I mean, how many times do children get told no? We've been bullied into being submissive to children. We don't spank out of fear of CPS. I have it on good authority (from someone who works for CPS in New York) that, spanking is not beating. In order for spanking to be classified as physical abuse, it must leave a mark. I'm not saying you should spank your child. Discipline is something left up to you.  But please, tell your child no. Set limits. Set rules. Be a parent. Be their friend when they've earned the right.

A new year, a new beginning

I logged in to facebook this morning, only to be greeted by mostly negative posts and stati (statuses?). It made me sad. We have a whole brand new year ahead of us. Find some thing joyful in that. It's full of possibilities and new chances to do the things we swore we'd do last year and never did.

I didn't go out drinking with the 20 somethings. I spent mine in the comfort of my home surrounded by people who fill my heart with love and joy every day. I don't do the whole resolution thing, it's just a way to set yourself up for failure. So, this year, I decided to find the good in every moment. It won't matter if I've had a rough day or my children weren't model citizens today. There's still joy and good in each day.

My year has started out fantastically. I woke up to a clean house ( I did that before the ball dropped). I woke up to happy children. I woke up to a man that loves me, even with my flaws (and trust me, I have a ton). I was even greeted by my fuzzy babies NOT demanding food but, they wanted love (and then pointed out that they'd also like food). It's been a peaceful day in my home. I'd like to think 2013 ushered peace in.

Focus on the good and the bad won't seem so bad. Remember, life is full of joyful moments.

A year of reflection

I'm looking back on all things 2012. I can't say any one event stands out more than the other. I can't say it was boring, it's just one big blur. I have my favorites though.

I loved seeing the family for July 4th. I've always loved that though. There's something wonderful about being with the people that know where you come from. There's so many wonderful people in my genetic gene pool. I love the saying "cousins are your first friends". That's true now more than ever.

Teagan turned 2 this year, Gavin turned 8. I turned 30. It's been a wonderful 30 years. Mostly.

I haven't suffered any major heartbreak this year (YAY). It seems the rest of the world has though. That makes me sad. My heart hurts for them.

I won't be making new resolutions this year. I'll make little changes that will lead to big changes. I hate putting pressure on myself to "be better". As if the person I am now is not good enough. Plus, let's be honest, I'd break my promises by February. So, I'll set little goals throughout the year and focus on what's really important because, December 31st, it won't matter if I didn't lose those pesky 10lbs or not.