Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Braggin' on my Boy!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Those days...
You know those days that start off great but, you end up fighting sheer exhaustion by 7? Yup, it's been one of those. I woke up with loads of energy at 6:30 only to be completely wiped by 10 am. I think it's the bouts of screaming toddler. She wakes up happy, our day starts off great. By the time 10 roles around, she's falling apart. Temper tantrums ensue, the hits & kicks all while screaming "NO!" at the top of her little lungs. I'd like the doctors in the NICU to see her now. I doubt they'd believe she was the same child .I just don't know how to make her happy anymore. She has melt downs over the smallest thing. I thought at first it was terrible two's but, we're headed into 3 in about 2 weeks. If I have another year like this past one, I might seriously consider if I've lost my sanity. So tonight, I won't think about the earlier part of the day, or what will happen tomorrow ( I've got a check up for the 8 yr old-hopefully, a break in our routine will help). I'll climb into my comfy sweats, brew some earl gray and conk out before 9pm. I'm just too tired for anything else.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Gavin's story (and my beginning)
Obviously, my beginning begins long before Gavin. 21 years earlier. At any rate, I'm not interested in sharing my very beginning, I'm interested in sharing the beginning Gavin gave me. To get to the point, we have to back track a little bit. Let me get to it...
My story begins the summer after I turned 20. I was depressed, over weight and felt somewhat unlovable. My self esteem was pretty much non existent. I avoided my friends. I kept to myself. My friends finally managed to get me to come out to dinner for the July babies birthdays. We did this every time a group of us were born closely. So, off I went. We were sitting at dinner and I noticed this guy staring at me. All through dinner. I didn't know who he was other than the brief introduction before dinner. I asked my friend what his deal was, she responded that she thought he liked me and that he was a nice guy. I wasn't really interested in him (or anyone at that point). But, he was persistent and ended up with my number. We talked several times for long periods of time, I gave in and agreed to go on a date. I started spending more time with him and started staying at his house. We got engaged quickly. Then the problems started. Nothing major, just little things. The final straw was after my Grandmother died in December 2003, he came to her funeral in PA with me, and we broke up shortly before Christmas. I stayed at our apartment because we had signed a lease and ended up with what I thought was a stomach bug that was going around work. 2 weeks later, I still couldn't shake it. I was tired all the time. Thinking something was wrong, I went to urgent care with my best friend in tow. What I thought was the stomach bug, ended up being me 30-60 days pregnant. I was devestated. It wasn't in my plans. I was petrified, I had to tell my parents. My sister had gotten pregnant before she was married and I remembered the blow up that ensued. I knew my parents would kill me. I cried the whole way to their house, only to discover my siblings were all there and my parent's were not. I told them and cried the entire time. The anxiety of telling them was overwhelming. I knew I had to "man up" and tell them. I just didn't want to feel worse about it than I already did.
I waited for what felt like hours, I'm sure it wasn't as long as it felt. They finally came home and I not so bravely told them I needed to talk to them. I told them I was pregnant. My mother's response "I know. How far along are you? and we'll figure it out". Dad's was " It's okay, we love you anyway and we all make mistakes". I knew abortion wasn't in the cards. I felt strongly against it (even in the face of the unknown). They never would have forgiven me for it either. I moved home shortly after that conversation largely because of my mother's request and frankly, I was relieved. I wanted to be near her. I wasn't ready to face that reality alone. Gavin's dad (you'll find out who he is later if you don't know already) and I fought constantly. He told his mother I was pregnant and she asked if he was sure it was his. He assured her it was but, that's where the responsibility ended (for a while). I went to all my appointments with my mother. She was there every time I threw up or cried. And man, did I throw up. Morning sickness is not the world. All day, everyday. I told my boss, she was amazingly supportive and told me I would be able to bring the baby to work with me if I decided to keep it.I had her support whatever I decided. Another co-worker cornered me in the stairway (we worked at a daycare), and informed me that "I was too young to throw my life away and that babies shouldn't have a single parent home, it would be too hard for everyone". Basically, she gave me the green light to have an abortion. I told her "politely" that I wasn't interested in having an abortion and that I'd figure the single mom thing out. Another friend told me point blank, "get rid of it". That ruined our friendship, I was devastated. It broke my heart to hear it.
My family doctor's group was amazing, the rest of my friends and family were amazing. I wasn't alone. Not for a second. Until my first ultrasound. My family doctor had sent me to a high risk ultrasound doctor. I didn't know it at the time. I guess there were concerns about his size and how I was measuring for my due date. Anyway, they did some ultrasounds and recommended a follow up with them and let my regular doctor ( who was handling my pregnancy and regular OB visits) that they recommended pushing my due date back a few weeks to August 3rd. That was done. I was still measuring small even with a new due date, so back to the ultrasound office we went. The tech was amazing, she let me know it was a boy ( YAY) and let m have some of his ultrasound pictures. She looked concerned and told me she'd get the head doctor and he'd be in shortly. She rushed down the hall with pictures.
Enter Dr.Evil and by evil, I mean he was rotten. I knew he was judging me the second he walked in the room. He asked if this was my first pregnancy, if I was aware of the dangers of being a young mom and the difficulties delivery would bring. He then went on to tell me, there was something wrong with the baby and that it'd be advisable to get an amniocentesis done. He told me the risks and I declined, I was going to love that little boy no matter what. Then he dropped the bombshell. He told me to have an abortion, it would be best for everyone. I wanted to beat the man. Who was he, as a doctor to tell me, to have an abortion. What doctor who swore to preserve life, had the right to tell me an abortion was best. Thank God for my mother, she stepped in and told him I wasn't interested. He was annoyed, I could tell. So, he pushed my due date back, AGAIN, and proceeded to give me information on all the birth defects that could be wrong with "the fetus".
All Mom and I could figure was that, he assumed I was a teenager and that Mom would be responsible for me and the baby. There was no other reasonable explanation for his rudeness or the way he treated us. Contractions started July 20th. This started a week of labor pains, stopping labor, sending me home, giving me sleeping aids, going back to the hospital, PUPPPs rash (an allergic reaction to the placenta) and finally, labor started July 27th at 7AM. We made it to 10cm, fully effaced and still no water breaking. I was on oxygen for the baby. My doctor came in to break my water at 7PM. Then things went wrong.Water gushed. He came crashing down on his umbilical cord and they lost his heartbeat. Without thinking, my doctor shoved his hand up my vagina to keep his off his cord and to keep him alive, jumped on the gurney and started ripping wires off the machines. The raced us down to the OR and started the emergency c-section. It was a race against time and I was terrified. There was no time for anyone to get ready to come in the room. I experienced this all alone with my doctor wiping my tears and holding my hand. I just kept crying for my mother. I felt so horrible for him, it was probably just as scary for him. Gavin was born 7:08pm, July 27 2004. Full term they decided later, perfectly healthy and gorgeous and weighing in at 6lbs 14oz and 19inches long. He was a miracle, right from his tiny start. He stole my heart that day and everyone else's.
Gavin is the very reason I feel the need to volunteer at Alpha Pregnancy Center. Those girls need to know, as scared as they are, that someone cares. I've been there. I know what the news "you're pregnant" does to someone. I know the fear they feel. If I can save one life by sharing my story, I will.
My story begins the summer after I turned 20. I was depressed, over weight and felt somewhat unlovable. My self esteem was pretty much non existent. I avoided my friends. I kept to myself. My friends finally managed to get me to come out to dinner for the July babies birthdays. We did this every time a group of us were born closely. So, off I went. We were sitting at dinner and I noticed this guy staring at me. All through dinner. I didn't know who he was other than the brief introduction before dinner. I asked my friend what his deal was, she responded that she thought he liked me and that he was a nice guy. I wasn't really interested in him (or anyone at that point). But, he was persistent and ended up with my number. We talked several times for long periods of time, I gave in and agreed to go on a date. I started spending more time with him and started staying at his house. We got engaged quickly. Then the problems started. Nothing major, just little things. The final straw was after my Grandmother died in December 2003, he came to her funeral in PA with me, and we broke up shortly before Christmas. I stayed at our apartment because we had signed a lease and ended up with what I thought was a stomach bug that was going around work. 2 weeks later, I still couldn't shake it. I was tired all the time. Thinking something was wrong, I went to urgent care with my best friend in tow. What I thought was the stomach bug, ended up being me 30-60 days pregnant. I was devestated. It wasn't in my plans. I was petrified, I had to tell my parents. My sister had gotten pregnant before she was married and I remembered the blow up that ensued. I knew my parents would kill me. I cried the whole way to their house, only to discover my siblings were all there and my parent's were not. I told them and cried the entire time. The anxiety of telling them was overwhelming. I knew I had to "man up" and tell them. I just didn't want to feel worse about it than I already did.
I waited for what felt like hours, I'm sure it wasn't as long as it felt. They finally came home and I not so bravely told them I needed to talk to them. I told them I was pregnant. My mother's response "I know. How far along are you? and we'll figure it out". Dad's was " It's okay, we love you anyway and we all make mistakes". I knew abortion wasn't in the cards. I felt strongly against it (even in the face of the unknown). They never would have forgiven me for it either. I moved home shortly after that conversation largely because of my mother's request and frankly, I was relieved. I wanted to be near her. I wasn't ready to face that reality alone. Gavin's dad (you'll find out who he is later if you don't know already) and I fought constantly. He told his mother I was pregnant and she asked if he was sure it was his. He assured her it was but, that's where the responsibility ended (for a while). I went to all my appointments with my mother. She was there every time I threw up or cried. And man, did I throw up. Morning sickness is not the world. All day, everyday. I told my boss, she was amazingly supportive and told me I would be able to bring the baby to work with me if I decided to keep it.I had her support whatever I decided. Another co-worker cornered me in the stairway (we worked at a daycare), and informed me that "I was too young to throw my life away and that babies shouldn't have a single parent home, it would be too hard for everyone". Basically, she gave me the green light to have an abortion. I told her "politely" that I wasn't interested in having an abortion and that I'd figure the single mom thing out. Another friend told me point blank, "get rid of it". That ruined our friendship, I was devastated. It broke my heart to hear it.
My family doctor's group was amazing, the rest of my friends and family were amazing. I wasn't alone. Not for a second. Until my first ultrasound. My family doctor had sent me to a high risk ultrasound doctor. I didn't know it at the time. I guess there were concerns about his size and how I was measuring for my due date. Anyway, they did some ultrasounds and recommended a follow up with them and let my regular doctor ( who was handling my pregnancy and regular OB visits) that they recommended pushing my due date back a few weeks to August 3rd. That was done. I was still measuring small even with a new due date, so back to the ultrasound office we went. The tech was amazing, she let me know it was a boy ( YAY) and let m have some of his ultrasound pictures. She looked concerned and told me she'd get the head doctor and he'd be in shortly. She rushed down the hall with pictures.
Enter Dr.Evil and by evil, I mean he was rotten. I knew he was judging me the second he walked in the room. He asked if this was my first pregnancy, if I was aware of the dangers of being a young mom and the difficulties delivery would bring. He then went on to tell me, there was something wrong with the baby and that it'd be advisable to get an amniocentesis done. He told me the risks and I declined, I was going to love that little boy no matter what. Then he dropped the bombshell. He told me to have an abortion, it would be best for everyone. I wanted to beat the man. Who was he, as a doctor to tell me, to have an abortion. What doctor who swore to preserve life, had the right to tell me an abortion was best. Thank God for my mother, she stepped in and told him I wasn't interested. He was annoyed, I could tell. So, he pushed my due date back, AGAIN, and proceeded to give me information on all the birth defects that could be wrong with "the fetus".
All Mom and I could figure was that, he assumed I was a teenager and that Mom would be responsible for me and the baby. There was no other reasonable explanation for his rudeness or the way he treated us. Contractions started July 20th. This started a week of labor pains, stopping labor, sending me home, giving me sleeping aids, going back to the hospital, PUPPPs rash (an allergic reaction to the placenta) and finally, labor started July 27th at 7AM. We made it to 10cm, fully effaced and still no water breaking. I was on oxygen for the baby. My doctor came in to break my water at 7PM. Then things went wrong.Water gushed. He came crashing down on his umbilical cord and they lost his heartbeat. Without thinking, my doctor shoved his hand up my vagina to keep his off his cord and to keep him alive, jumped on the gurney and started ripping wires off the machines. The raced us down to the OR and started the emergency c-section. It was a race against time and I was terrified. There was no time for anyone to get ready to come in the room. I experienced this all alone with my doctor wiping my tears and holding my hand. I just kept crying for my mother. I felt so horrible for him, it was probably just as scary for him. Gavin was born 7:08pm, July 27 2004. Full term they decided later, perfectly healthy and gorgeous and weighing in at 6lbs 14oz and 19inches long. He was a miracle, right from his tiny start. He stole my heart that day and everyone else's.
Gavin is the very reason I feel the need to volunteer at Alpha Pregnancy Center. Those girls need to know, as scared as they are, that someone cares. I've been there. I know what the news "you're pregnant" does to someone. I know the fear they feel. If I can save one life by sharing my story, I will.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Our daughters
I am not a feminist. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I am, for all intense purposes, practical. I hope my parental approaches reflect that. I do however, think we need to encourage our daughters to be everything we tell our sons they can be. If my daughter grows up and decides she'd like to be a mechanic, well, you go girl! If she decides she'd like a career in welding, I'm sure her Poppa will be thrilled. The point is, teaching isn't just a woman's job, baking isn't just a woman's thing. Cooking, cleaning, raising children and running a household are not the only jobs for women. We have so many wonderful gifts and talents. We should share them with the world. I want my daughter to grow up knowing how to change oil and her tires. She shouldn't need a man to rescue her. There's nothing wrong with needing a man, she should just know how to do it if she needs to. Just like her brother should know how to clean a house, cook a meal, do laundry and the basics to running a household. Not because there will never be a woman that won't want to do those things for him but, because there won't always be a woman to do it. I fully plan on teaching both the men in my house to braid Teagan's hair. Just in case.
Monday, January 21, 2013
We are never alone.
I struggled today. I struggled with children who did NOT listen. I struggled with anger. It was the kind of day where you walk into another room and scream into a pillow. I felt unheard. I asked little ears to do simple things, they were ignored. I was frustrated. I said things I shouldn't have, I felt awful. But, I am not alone. I know other mothers who feel that way sometimes. I have a God that promised he would never leave me, or forsake me. Even on the days when I feel defeated by life and by my children. I am never alone. Even on the days when I don't deserve a love bigger than me. I am never alone. Ever.
So, I will pray for strength, forgiveness, grace, mercy and compassion. On the days when it feels impossible to love, I will love because, I was given a love that often, I do not deserve. I am thankful for that. I will remind myself that, I was called for this life, for better and for worse. I was given these little people for a time, they are not mine forever and, I will treat them as the precious gifts that they are. I will be grateful, even when it feels impossible.
I love them to the moon and back. As much as the stars. Forever.
So, I will pray for strength, forgiveness, grace, mercy and compassion. On the days when it feels impossible to love, I will love because, I was given a love that often, I do not deserve. I am thankful for that. I will remind myself that, I was called for this life, for better and for worse. I was given these little people for a time, they are not mine forever and, I will treat them as the precious gifts that they are. I will be grateful, even when it feels impossible.
I know I've touched on this before but, my children are different. Vastly different. I'm not talking just the physical differences that come with their genders and ages. I think I noticed these differences straight out of the gate.
They both were born with full heads of hair (Teagan's was wild where Gavin's was almost curly), both made quite the scene coming into the world (Gavin was born via emergency c-section and Teagan was born by c-section only to be rushed to the NICU for breathing issues). Anyway, Gavin was an easy baby. He slept through the night at 6 weeks, rarely fussed and was a first time Mother's dream. Teagan slept through the night at 12 weeks only after (in complete desperation to get some decent sleep) I put cereal in her bedtime bottle. Gavin loved the car from day #1. Maybe it was the constant noise, vibration and movement. He's always been more sensory aware but, he'd conk out within 5 minutes of the car moving. Teagan HATED the car. Maybe it was the restraints of the car seat. She would cry and cry and cry before finally, 5 minutes before we'd reach our destination, she'd settle down. Gavin was a pacifier kid, Teagan hated the thing. She'd keep it in her mouth long enough to conk out but, the second she did, she managed to spit it out. I could sit Gavin down with blocks and little busy things, he'd play happily for hours. I never had to worry about him getting into things that were off limits. Teagan is only briefly occupied and darts off to find whatever "NO TOUCHIES" she can get her little hands on. Doors are kept shut, make up is hidden and yet, she still manages to find them and make her mess. Gavin potty trained in a weekend, Teagan has accomplished it, after 11 months( I kid you not-we started the day she turned 2). Gavin to this day, loves a good snuggle sessions, hugs and kisses. Teagan will plop in your lap for 2 minutes before she's had enough and is off on yet another adventure. Gavin is Oma's boy. The first grandson so, they share a special bond. Teagan loves her Oma but, she's fiercely loyal to being Poppa's girl. Teagan is flexible in our plans and schedules, where Gavin needs a warning. He's never done well with a wide open schedule. Gavin needs nurturing even during discipline. He's more sensitive and responds better to gentle redirection and talking things out. Spanking never really needs to happen with him, it's just not effective with him. Teagan needs firm, authoritative discipline. You give her an inch and she'll take 5 miles. Gentleness doesn't work for her.
As they've both gotten older, I have noticed (partly because of Gavin's ADHD) they have this insane need to be constantly moving. Maybe Teagan will settle down, maybe not. I find it amazing that, even with the same identical gene pool, they could be so different. I think as a parent, it's been a constant challenge to remember they ARE different. They do need different things from me. It's been a challenge at times to figure out what makes them tick and who needs what from me. I love them equally but, oh so very differently. They've taught me in my own way, to be more open and flexible. I can't just deal with them the same, I'll pull my hair out from frustration if I try.
I am thankful for their differences. They each bring something so unique and different to my world. They'll each become their own unique people. Nothing makes me happier than that.
They both were born with full heads of hair (Teagan's was wild where Gavin's was almost curly), both made quite the scene coming into the world (Gavin was born via emergency c-section and Teagan was born by c-section only to be rushed to the NICU for breathing issues). Anyway, Gavin was an easy baby. He slept through the night at 6 weeks, rarely fussed and was a first time Mother's dream. Teagan slept through the night at 12 weeks only after (in complete desperation to get some decent sleep) I put cereal in her bedtime bottle. Gavin loved the car from day #1. Maybe it was the constant noise, vibration and movement. He's always been more sensory aware but, he'd conk out within 5 minutes of the car moving. Teagan HATED the car. Maybe it was the restraints of the car seat. She would cry and cry and cry before finally, 5 minutes before we'd reach our destination, she'd settle down. Gavin was a pacifier kid, Teagan hated the thing. She'd keep it in her mouth long enough to conk out but, the second she did, she managed to spit it out. I could sit Gavin down with blocks and little busy things, he'd play happily for hours. I never had to worry about him getting into things that were off limits. Teagan is only briefly occupied and darts off to find whatever "NO TOUCHIES" she can get her little hands on. Doors are kept shut, make up is hidden and yet, she still manages to find them and make her mess. Gavin potty trained in a weekend, Teagan has accomplished it, after 11 months( I kid you not-we started the day she turned 2). Gavin to this day, loves a good snuggle sessions, hugs and kisses. Teagan will plop in your lap for 2 minutes before she's had enough and is off on yet another adventure. Gavin is Oma's boy. The first grandson so, they share a special bond. Teagan loves her Oma but, she's fiercely loyal to being Poppa's girl. Teagan is flexible in our plans and schedules, where Gavin needs a warning. He's never done well with a wide open schedule. Gavin needs nurturing even during discipline. He's more sensitive and responds better to gentle redirection and talking things out. Spanking never really needs to happen with him, it's just not effective with him. Teagan needs firm, authoritative discipline. You give her an inch and she'll take 5 miles. Gentleness doesn't work for her.
As they've both gotten older, I have noticed (partly because of Gavin's ADHD) they have this insane need to be constantly moving. Maybe Teagan will settle down, maybe not. I find it amazing that, even with the same identical gene pool, they could be so different. I think as a parent, it's been a constant challenge to remember they ARE different. They do need different things from me. It's been a challenge at times to figure out what makes them tick and who needs what from me. I love them equally but, oh so very differently. They've taught me in my own way, to be more open and flexible. I can't just deal with them the same, I'll pull my hair out from frustration if I try.
I am thankful for their differences. They each bring something so unique and different to my world. They'll each become their own unique people. Nothing makes me happier than that.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Am I grateful?
Today, I read two blog entries from another mother. She lost her son last month. It breaks my heart. Yesterday and today, she posted that she missed doing his laundry (even though it smelled horrid) and washing dishes and cleaning up after his kitchen messes. This got me thinking. Am I so busy complaining about cleaning up messes and tackling piles of laundry that I forget how blessed I am to be doing them for my children and my husband? Have I forgotten that the messes mean the precious beings I love so much are home with me, where they belong? I think I have. These moments don't last forever. Even if I don't lose them in some tragic way, eventually, these days will pass and I won't have the ability to do these things for my children. They will no longer be home, they will be living their lives separately from mine. I hope before that day comes, I will remember how truly blessed I am and that I will be grateful for every moment, because, I am.
Friday, January 18, 2013
I just got a message from my son's school. They let us know they did a practice lock down drill. While I am thrilled and relieved that this was a) just a practice and b) they will know what to do in an emergency, it hurts my heart that a child should NEED to know these things. Being a parent is scary stuff. When my parents were kids, all they did were practice drills in case they got bombed. It's scary to think we've graduated to a world were people will come into our schools and harm our children. I don't want that world for my children. I don't like living in a world where I need to teach them to say no to drugs, to hide if a scary person comes into their school with a gun or to scream and make a scene if someone tries to hurt them or take them. I don't like having to teach them that strangers are dangerous. Little by little, their childhoods are taken away from them. I can only hope and pray they will never need the information they have.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Baby steps
When you're ready for change, or getting a fresh start at something, people always say "baby steps". Baby steps turn into toddler steps (a little more steady, a little more confident) and then those baby steps turn into preschool steps (less hand holding, more independence). Just like my mini girl. I feel like we rushed through the first two years. Not by anything we've done, she just seemed to grow faster than her brother. I'm now entering the world of preschooler. Not that I want too but, it's the natural progression of things. We've come a long way from her first few days on Earth.
Those days were down right scary. She rushed her way into the world- 4 weeks early. I still think my original delivery date was a little off- she spent 4 days in NICU (breathing trouble and a blood infection) and once she got the hang of things, she hurried her way home. I never left the hospital without her (for that I am entirely thankful). She took her time sleeping through the night, and then took her time crawling, and then she took her time walking. She had this sweet little bop (which we dubbed the Woo-bop). She just bopped around on her knees. Then, she got brave. She took her first steps and that was it. She was off. I still don't think she's stopped.
She's turning 3 in a little less than a month. I still can't believe we're on year 3.
Those days were down right scary. She rushed her way into the world- 4 weeks early. I still think my original delivery date was a little off- she spent 4 days in NICU (breathing trouble and a blood infection) and once she got the hang of things, she hurried her way home. I never left the hospital without her (for that I am entirely thankful). She took her time sleeping through the night, and then took her time crawling, and then she took her time walking. She had this sweet little bop (which we dubbed the Woo-bop). She just bopped around on her knees. Then, she got brave. She took her first steps and that was it. She was off. I still don't think she's stopped.
She's turning 3 in a little less than a month. I still can't believe we're on year 3.
I'm not sure if you believe in God but, I do. This morning at 5:30 my mother called to tell me the house we lived in up until 9 months ago burnt down. If we had been there, we would have been killed for sure.
The official ruling is an electrical fire. The thing that gets me with that is, we LIVED in that house, lights on, tv on, things plugged in and it never caught fire. The upstairs pipe breaks in the bathroom and floods the house causing the owner to use 4 industrial fans and it goes up in flames. Angels? Oh, I think so!
Thankfully, the house was completely empty and nobody was living there. It just scares me to think of what could have been.
The official ruling is an electrical fire. The thing that gets me with that is, we LIVED in that house, lights on, tv on, things plugged in and it never caught fire. The upstairs pipe breaks in the bathroom and floods the house causing the owner to use 4 industrial fans and it goes up in flames. Angels? Oh, I think so!
Thankfully, the house was completely empty and nobody was living there. It just scares me to think of what could have been.
I'm BAAAAAACK
After a brief potty training hiatus, I've returned to my blogging glory. Potty training is serious business (ha ha). I feel like this time around, it took forever. Gavin had the potty thing down in a weekend. Teagan, not so much. She would rather play, thank you very much. So, after what feels like a full year of trying (and backing off), we have another member of the ever elite, panty wearing club. THANK GOD. Pull ups are expensive. She took her sweet time and I have to admit, there's a little pang of sadness with this latest accomplishment. She really isn't my sweet little baby anymore. We've stepped out of toddler-hood and raced full force into our preschool years. She's growing up way too fast. I feel like we strolled leisurely through baby-dom and toddler-hood with Gavin. It flew by with Teagan.
On the bright side, Teagan discovered Tyler-bunnies today. What's a Tyler bunny? Years ago, Fisher Price made these little bunnies with a pocket for your hand in their head, flannel blanket bodies & satin trimming. I loved them. I'm pretty sure I had one in every color. Anyway, they were given to my older sister when she was a baby by my father's good friend Tyler (this big old harley riding guy). She never had interest in them. I however, loved them. They went everywhere with me. I sucked my thumb and rubbed their satin edging against my nose. I LOVED them. We lost a few along the way (one fell victim to the golden retriever) and some were probably so ratty my mother threw them out. At any rate, Fisher Price discontinued them forever ago. My mother sent every able body on a mission for them. I kept 3 of them for someday, when I had kids of my own. Gavin never had any interest in them, he loved his Blue too much for that. Teagan had no interest what-so-ever. Until today. She's been carrying them everywhere with her. Gavin put them away and she cried. I'm over joyed. I'm so glad something I loved so much is getting loved again. Maybe she can pass them on to her kids someday.
I'll look through Mom's pictures and post them. I'm not even sure what to google them under since Tyler bunnies are NOT the official name.
On the bright side, Teagan discovered Tyler-bunnies today. What's a Tyler bunny? Years ago, Fisher Price made these little bunnies with a pocket for your hand in their head, flannel blanket bodies & satin trimming. I loved them. I'm pretty sure I had one in every color. Anyway, they were given to my older sister when she was a baby by my father's good friend Tyler (this big old harley riding guy). She never had interest in them. I however, loved them. They went everywhere with me. I sucked my thumb and rubbed their satin edging against my nose. I LOVED them. We lost a few along the way (one fell victim to the golden retriever) and some were probably so ratty my mother threw them out. At any rate, Fisher Price discontinued them forever ago. My mother sent every able body on a mission for them. I kept 3 of them for someday, when I had kids of my own. Gavin never had any interest in them, he loved his Blue too much for that. Teagan had no interest what-so-ever. Until today. She's been carrying them everywhere with her. Gavin put them away and she cried. I'm over joyed. I'm so glad something I loved so much is getting loved again. Maybe she can pass them on to her kids someday.
I'll look through Mom's pictures and post them. I'm not even sure what to google them under since Tyler bunnies are NOT the official name.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
I'm worried.
It hit me this morning. I know my son is likable, he always talks about kids he likes to play with at school. I'm concerned that his ADHD (along with other little issues) is keeping him from really bonding with other kids. I'm not sure that he actually has "friends". That breaks my heart. I know Teagan will have an opportunity to make lots of new friends when she starts pre-school (and she will cause HOLY COW). I'm not sure what to do. I want him to have friends, I want to have play dates with other kids (our house or otherwise). I'm just concerned that he won't. His lack of maturity is starting to concern me-is it keeping him from making friends his own age and own ability? Is my fault from moving him from school to school? Have we sheltered him too much? I hope he does develop life long friendships and that he does blossom. I hope he doesn't become discourages and withdrawn.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Sparkles & wings (the original entry)
Today, our routine returned to "normal". The boys are off to work & school. It's just us girls again. I've consumed my morning coffee and jumped right back into another day filled with toddler sized fun. And potty training. Teagan is proving to be harder in that category. She'd rather be playing. Or dancing. Potty training is on the very bottom of her pint sized list of important things. M&M's aren't doing the trick. Time to try a sticker chart. Hopefully that will make all the difference. What toddler doesn't like stickers?
So, while I've got a down second- she's currently entertained by dress-up clothes and shoes- I'm blogging. I've discovered I love it. I just needed this outlet. I'm still debating on sharing it publicly. Right now, I'm just building up enough reading material.
As I'm typing away, in strolls Teagan clad in Fairy wings and a sparkly tutu. She announces "Momma, Wickie's so pretty". Yes baby, you are. It amazes me. She finds that even with her wild hair, no make-up and in a t-shirt & comfy pants, she knows she is beautiful. All she needed was sparkles and wings. If only we could see how beautiful we are. The things a toddler can teach you.
So, while I've got a down second- she's currently entertained by dress-up clothes and shoes- I'm blogging. I've discovered I love it. I just needed this outlet. I'm still debating on sharing it publicly. Right now, I'm just building up enough reading material.
One of "THOSE" weekends.
Ever have one of those weekends where you'd either like a redo or a whole other weekend to follow? Yeaaaah. It was one of "THOSE" kind of weekends. Friday was an attack of the ADHD. All day. Saturday was one of those days where you really just want to stay in pj's but, you've got prior obligations that make that a big "no can do". We (and by we, I mean I, signed us up for puppy/nephew sitting) headed over to my sisters house and were there by 12. The kids whined all morning about one thing or another. We're not used to having nothing to do in someone else's house. The kids were bored (well, just the little one since she had no playmate). Let's just say, I am NOT cut out for 3 kids and a dog (well, giant puppy). 2 kids and 2 cats, sure. And, for all you co-sleepers out there, I give you props. I CANNOT share a bed with an almost 3 year old and wake up refreshed.
So, needless to say, I am glad to be home. My children will be going to bed insanely early. They're ridiculously tired. And moody. I'm looking forward to peace and quiet when bedtime arrives.
So, needless to say, I am glad to be home. My children will be going to bed insanely early. They're ridiculously tired. And moody. I'm looking forward to peace and quiet when bedtime arrives.
Friday, January 4, 2013
One of those days, turned into one of those nights...
Earlier, I broke up a "finger biting fight". I scolded children and demanded better behavior. That's not what I got. Instead, I got a child with gum in her hair (peanut butter is awesome for that), an early round of bath/shower time (due to said gum and peanut butter), put children in their pj's, broken up a nerf gun assault, confiscated said nerf gun and consoled a sobbing 8 year old. At least, he was sorry. It then lead into a fit of sobs over his Aunt's upcoming trip. He doesn't do well with goodbye's (even small ones). I'm exhausted.
For now, I have two children playing nicely. The older is reading to the younger. Somehow, she conned him into reading a cinderella book and playing prince & princess. He's a good kid. I really hope she knows that she really has the best brother. I just need to keep telling myself crazy days like this will pass, and I will miss them once the noise is gone.
For now, I have two children playing nicely. The older is reading to the younger. Somehow, she conned him into reading a cinderella book and playing prince & princess. He's a good kid. I really hope she knows that she really has the best brother. I just need to keep telling myself crazy days like this will pass, and I will miss them once the noise is gone.
Outings are exhausting
My sister and I took the kids out today. There's something completely exhausting about doing that with a child with ADHD and one that's too little to diagnose but has all the signs. It'll be a long time before I do that again. Not because they were bad but, because I'm stinking tired. Like could conk out and sleep past 4:15 and completely miss picking the hubs up from work, tired. That's a bad tired. But, we built memories today and I will put up with a case of the sleepies for that.
I'm taking a time out and they're playing in a fort I built. Nothing fancy, just blankets over the end of the bed and draped over furniture. It made them happy and, it was something I could build easily. I hear belly giggles and jokes. The little one doesn't get them but, she'll giggle along with her brother just the same. I hope these are memories they'll file away in their heads and hearts. That would make me happy. I have memories like that about my own big sisters and I.
The little one just told the big one not to eat her fingers. That can't be promising. *Sigh* aren't we too old for finger eating?
I'm taking a time out and they're playing in a fort I built. Nothing fancy, just blankets over the end of the bed and draped over furniture. It made them happy and, it was something I could build easily. I hear belly giggles and jokes. The little one doesn't get them but, she'll giggle along with her brother just the same. I hope these are memories they'll file away in their heads and hearts. That would make me happy. I have memories like that about my own big sisters and I.
The little one just told the big one not to eat her fingers. That can't be promising. *Sigh* aren't we too old for finger eating?
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
sparkles, wings and pretty girl things
My toddler is my inspiration today. She sees herself as beautiful no matter what she's wearing or doing. She can wear mismatched socks, her hair could be in knots and wild but, she can walk into a room and announce "Momma, Wickie's so pretty". She's right. She IS pretty. She has this gorgeous complexion, beautiful big brown eyes and gorgeous hair. She has this perfect little nose and sweet little ears. Delicate long fingers and legs that go on for miles. The kid knows she's gorgeous. I'm glad. Too many times, we let the little things we don't like about ourselves dicatate that "we're not pretty, we're too fat..." That inner voice needs to shut up. We need our inner toddler to dress up in little fairy wings and sparkly tutu's and announce to the world that "I'm so pretty". And, we need to believe it. Just like we did when we were little. We knew. We believed someone when they told us we were beautiful. We never doubted it.
Just remember, you ARE beautiful. Not because you fit into a size 00 but, because you just are. You are a woman, that in itself is beautiful. We're fearfully and wonderfully made.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A little pang...
Tonight, my brain is overly active. This is leading to several posts. I think I am done for the night but, I read a blog from a friend and *BOOM* I have something else to "talk" about. Thank you for dealing with my obvious ADD. Today, it's worse than normal.
So, there's another mom I admire. She raises 4 children organically and awesomely. She is pregnant with her 5th. Part of me is jealous. I wish I could have another baby sometimes. But, my body hates being pregnant. It turns into this wicked, retching ball of morning sickness. And, I complain. A lot. I wish I didn't. I wish I had those pregnancies where you glow. Don't get me wrong, I'm completely thankful and blessed. I have given life to 2 little bodies. No one loves them more than I do. To the moon, and as much as the stars. Forever. You can't love anybody more than that. And, loved they are. Fiercely. They have an Oma, Poppa, Aunt Owlie, Aunt Mahni, Uncle Ez, Pup, Aunt Becca, Uncle Steve-o, Nexus, Jay & Aiden. They have a Mommy, Daddy, Nana, Grandpa and so many other people. They have a Sissa & Tyle. They are loved. Beyond measure. And I am blessed. I am blessed to have counted and kissed 20 tiny toes. To have smelled clean baby (powder fresh and sweet smells of lavender). To have fallen asleep with a tiny body clinging tightly to me. To have wet baby slobber on my nose. To have sweet toddler arms wrapped tightly around my neck. I am loved, I love. My life is full. But, I am jealous. Sometimes, I wish for just one more. But, that isn't so. *Sigh* My heart is full anyway. For that, I am truly thankful.
I promise
A new year, a new beginning
I logged in to facebook this morning, only to be greeted by mostly negative posts and stati (statuses?). It made me sad. We have a whole brand new year ahead of us. Find some thing joyful in that. It's full of possibilities and new chances to do the things we swore we'd do last year and never did.
I didn't go out drinking with the 20 somethings. I spent mine in the comfort of my home surrounded by people who fill my heart with love and joy every day. I don't do the whole resolution thing, it's just a way to set yourself up for failure. So, this year, I decided to find the good in every moment. It won't matter if I've had a rough day or my children weren't model citizens today. There's still joy and good in each day.
My year has started out fantastically. I woke up to a clean house ( I did that before the ball dropped). I woke up to happy children. I woke up to a man that loves me, even with my flaws (and trust me, I have a ton). I was even greeted by my fuzzy babies NOT demanding food but, they wanted love (and then pointed out that they'd also like food). It's been a peaceful day in my home. I'd like to think 2013 ushered peace in.
Focus on the good and the bad won't seem so bad. Remember, life is full of joyful moments.
I didn't go out drinking with the 20 somethings. I spent mine in the comfort of my home surrounded by people who fill my heart with love and joy every day. I don't do the whole resolution thing, it's just a way to set yourself up for failure. So, this year, I decided to find the good in every moment. It won't matter if I've had a rough day or my children weren't model citizens today. There's still joy and good in each day.
My year has started out fantastically. I woke up to a clean house ( I did that before the ball dropped). I woke up to happy children. I woke up to a man that loves me, even with my flaws (and trust me, I have a ton). I was even greeted by my fuzzy babies NOT demanding food but, they wanted love (and then pointed out that they'd also like food). It's been a peaceful day in my home. I'd like to think 2013 ushered peace in.
Focus on the good and the bad won't seem so bad. Remember, life is full of joyful moments.
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